i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
