haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
My penis needs a shock collar
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
