mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
