I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
