Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize