My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
