exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize