he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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