I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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