Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
