so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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