my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
