dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He passed out mid-signature
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
