Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
