one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
