Where are you?
In a non slutty way
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
