You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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