Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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