she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I lost the right to judge tonight
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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