I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
