I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
