I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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