billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
