tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
