I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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