Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
