i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
