dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
