I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
