I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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