I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
That accounts for only three of the penises
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
