Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
