I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
