The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
