She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
