the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
