I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
