I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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