I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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