Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Randomize