Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
