all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
