did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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