That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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