I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
