I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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