My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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