her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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