She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
