so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
