I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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