Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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