Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
