I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
