she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Omg I joined a choir last night...
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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