he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
