it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
