So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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