hotel room ftw
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
