Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
