I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I want her autograph on my taint
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
