hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize