Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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