My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
