you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You pole danced in your parka.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
