Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize